By JESSE SCACCIA
As a teacher, you are not allowed to get depressed.
There is too much work to be done. The kids feast on any perceived weakness, especially in a new teacher. Or, the kids take it personally, and think you’re upset with them. Being depressed can make it seem like you don’t believe in the lesson, the school, the education system itself, and if you don’t believe in these things, there’s no way the students will.
But teachers are only human. I’d even go a step further than human. In many cases they are the most human, with naturally flowing sympathy and an innate desire to shepherd their younger brothers and sisters. But it’s this extra-humanness that, unfortunately, makes teachers more susceptible to depression.
Its a horrible catch-22: being a teacher you’re not allowed to be depressed, but the emotional output required by the job makes you more likely to be depressed.
Is there any way out of this mess?
I am a man who has battled depression since early childhood. I was still in primary school when I first held a knife and wondered just what I could do to myself with it. So I know depression, and it is something I’ve had to deal with at some point at every step of my teaching career. What I can tell you is, first of all, you can’t wish depression away. So for those of you reading who are thinking right now, “Well, why not just not be depressed?” that solution is a ghost. It doesn’t exist.
So until the depression is mitigated by drugs or therapy, what is a teacher to do? I’ve tried everything. I’ve drank a Coke before each class and kept a drawer full of Kit-Kats. I’ve faked it, pretending to be happy, hoping the kids weren’t savvy enough to see through my mask. I’ve taught for me first, worrying more about making sure I enjoyed teaching my lessons then whether my students did (because, hey, if I like it they’ll probably like it too). I have even been honest with my students. I’ve told them flat out, “Hey, I’m kinda of depressed today. Take it easy on Mr. S, will yah?”
Sometimes these solutions worked, and sometimes they didn’t. By now, at 30, I know myself well enough to mix my own happiness smoothies on the fly. Sometimes it takes a Kit-Kat with a dash of Radiohead in-between classes. Sometimes I use a life line, and text a friend mid-class. I have figured out what works for me.
So for those of you teachers reading who battle depression- and I know you’re there- my only advice is the advice you give yourself. Be reflective and recognize your triggers. Know yourself well enough to be aware of what can pull you out of that dark blue pool. If all else fails, channel your inner Michael Jordan. Someone once asked him why he played so hard every night, even against teams the Bulls were blowing out. His answer was that there might be one fan out there who will only see him play that one time, so he had to give his best. As a teacher, you never know if this is the only time in a student’s life they’ll hear a certain lesson. So you have to play hard every period.
As always, never forget this handy cliche: This too shall pass.
I feel the need to add some ‘real talk’ here at the end. For some depressed people, teaching just won’t be right for you. There will be too many expectations and pressures from a myriad of sources. Your life will be too rigid, the negative reinforcement will outweigh the positive. You might care too much or be too sensitive, making your small, everyday failures (of which there are a million a week) into a million potential depression triggers a week.
If you’re one of these people, I’m sorry. But I think I speak for the rest of the teaching community when I say, We’re here for you.
28 Comments
March 26, 2009 at 12:22 pm
My mum is a teachers, and she has also suffered from depression, I’ll have to show this to her at some point. Really good analysis.
March 26, 2009 at 7:11 pm
I learned to breathe slowly and relax when I was stressed. Just breathing in to the count of three and breathing out to the count of about four can really make a difference for me. Slow breathing helps me to stay calm. Also, I learned how to grade papers differently. In math, I had students make answer columns down the right side of the paper and show their work on the left. In language arts, I learned to have them write five meaningful sentences using the current objective. Grading five sentences is easy! I would pick and choose paragraphs to grade for grammar when grading lengthy compositions. Marking the whole paper might take an hour. Learning shortcuts helps a lot.
March 26, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Hi there,
It is understood that being a role model sometimes is difficult especially while you are infront of your audience. The truth is, everyone is just human and anyone could get to a stage of being depress; in your case, your job requires more from you.
Perhaps try to reverse the negative thoughts into a positive response?
I have made this blog: http://visionclub.wordpress.com
Its fairly new so information is not as fruitfull yet, but i hope my post regarding depression and motivation will help you in anyway, cause i personally do understand the frustration while working with depression.
Im rather new to wordpress so i think i may have multi-posted. My apolagies.
March 27, 2009 at 1:26 pm
I’ve very often found that smarter people are more prone to depression. I don’t know if studies have shown this to be the case but personal observation seems to point to this. Why do you think this is?
March 27, 2009 at 1:31 pm
I’ve often found that smarter people are more prone to depression. I don’t know if studies have shown this to be the case but personal observation seems to point in that direction. Why do you think that is?
March 29, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Thank you so much for this post. I also suffer from depression, and right now, I am going through a tough time. But it’s not just me, one of my colleagues is having marital problems and another just “can’t get happy”. It’s nice to know that we are not alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, and my students. Many times, a kind word, or hug, from a student is exactly what I need to get through the day. But our jobs are SO HARD!!! We have to be everything to everyone, and right now, I am tired, wore out and don’t even know who I am anymore. I know my triggers (perfection). I am very reflective of what I could do better to make myself less depressed. But like you said, you can’t just wake up and “be happy”, even if you wanted to. Thank you for allowing me to be me, and letting me be myself, which ultimately, will make me a better teacher.
April 1, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Thank you so much for writing, Reni. Yes, our jobs are SO HARD.
But you know what? You’re going to make it through. Assuming you made it through today, you are making it through. If your students are hugging you, they believe in you, and they don’t expect perfection from you every day.
Be good to yourself, okay?
Jesse
April 26, 2009 at 1:48 am
hi,
i was a teacher for thirty three years. male elementary teacher. was a chapter chairman in brownville during the ocean hill brownsville strike of 1968… i was depressed for over forty years, dealing with two bad marriages, a very bad back, and an enormous desire to be the best elementary teacher in the world. my sixth therapist made the mistake of giving me a book to read. when i came back to her office, i told her i was no longer depressed. the book was called, intimate connections by david burns. it is available in paperback from http://www.abebooks.com for a few bucks. it saved my life. basically it talked about the fact that the way you think is the way you feel, and not vice versa. it also discussed the ten distortions of thinking that depressed people do. i did every one of them. i do not do any of them now. i have been divorced from my second wife for thirteen years and have never been happier. the physical and mental pain of depression is severe and can be life threatening. do not threat it like a minor problem. it can kill you. thank you teachers. you are my heros. only a teacher knows what other teacher go through. love to all of you.
August 6, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Thank you for writing this piece. As someone who has suffered with depression since I was in college–I’m mid-30′s now, this is a reaffirmation of all those feelings I have pretty constantly. I have taught in a middle school for 15 years and there are times where I question if this is the profession for me. I tend to get into the habit of replaying the bad situations that have occurred in my career–kids who I’ve struggled with trying to reach, parents who are never happy. When a student treats me badly and I take it upon myself as something I did wrong.
All of these things build up and render me feeling like a failure. Whereas intellectually I know that I have done good things and do have the best intentions, when you feel depressed or down, it is hard to climb that mountain out of your despair. The teaching profession requires much of your heart and soul and those of us who are ultra-sensitive wear our emotions on our sleeve and are sometimes trampled on by others. It is something I fear that I will never reconcile this and will always be a prisoner to my depression. I look at others and their ability to shrug things off, look at the bright side, and move on right away and I envy them so much. Why do I feel stuck in this pattern of sadness and how do I overcome it? Is it even possible?
August 25, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Wow! It’s nice to see this. It’s not often that anyone acknowledges how difficult teaching really is. I know it adds to my depression…just the constant day in- day out stress of it. I know it’s not good for my mental health, but how to get out after 15 years and start over? I can’t…especially when I lack any motivation because I’m depressed. Thank you for writing this.
September 6, 2009 at 12:06 pm
It is really nice to read the comments people have made here in support of each other. I battled with perfection in teaching and a growing sense of depression with work. I did not share my feelings as I felt weak and ashamed. Well, that coping strategy backfired. I suffered a major burnout and have been off work for two years. Once this happens the self doubt and the injury to self esteem is a huge block to healing and moving forward. I am so stuck in the fear of failing at any other attempt to put myself in positions of responsibility that I am in an ever circling state of anxiety and depression. So, if you find you are not yourself, that you are struggling with the demands of your work and you are losing your grip, ask for help.
September 15, 2009 at 6:08 pm
[...] A while back I wrote about how painful, intense, and guilt-bearing teaching with depression can be. I even indicated that teaching can, in a sad roundabout way, induce depression in some people. I wrote: [...]
September 15, 2009 at 6:16 pm
[...] A while back I wrote on my blog about teaching about how painful, intense, and guilt-bearing teachin…. I even indicated that teaching can, in a sad roundabout way, induce depression in some people. I wrote: [...]
October 17, 2009 at 12:20 am
Thank you for writing this. I am a new teacher and have been struggling with depression for most of my life. It is particularly good to see that it is another male teacher writing about this, because that is in many ways an even more isolated and potentially demanding situation. (for instance none of my students have had a male teacher outside of PE before and there are only 5 men working in my middle school: 2 APs, 2 PE teachers, and myself.)
I am 30 years old, having taken the long road to my current position and am generally enjoying teaching with most days so far being good days.. but those bad days, ouch!
October 18, 2009 at 4:10 am
[...] Jesse Scaccia, a teacher who writes for Teacher Revised wrote a post on “Teaching with Depression: Is there a way out?”: [...]
December 8, 2009 at 9:03 pm
What a relief to read this! Being a new teacher of less than three years and finding one of those notes today about how horrible my class is, this helps me to at least know that others have bad days, too. For some reason I cannot stop obsessing over the note, though – about how a student said “idt she even knows how to teach!” For some reason this is really getting to me!! Anyone been through something similar and can advise? Since I was already feeling depressed this has really hit me hard.
March 12, 2010 at 5:46 pm
Mary! Snap out of it woman! You cannot let this “bad teacher” nonsense that is floating around these days get into you! The kids have picked up this dysfunctional-adult-system lingo, and have come to agree that only “good” teachers can reach them. Do not pander to this! It is a surefire way to take the responsibility for learning off your students because they get the message that it is alright to say, “so and so didn’t learn me anything.” You cannot learn your students anything! This “bad teacher” jargon also relieves everyone involved in a student’s life from creating a working teaching and learning environment.
Teaching is hard, really hard. Everyone here has acknowledged this. Why? Because we do it. Maybe you don’t know the best ways to teach. So what? Master teachers don’t either. Yes, teaching is THAT hard. And your students certainly do not have half a clue as to what it takes to teach! I have known so many hard working, (with new teachers it is often very, very, hard working) talented teachers with the desire to do their best that I know we are in the majority! I hope you don’t let anyone, even someone you are trying to help like a student, dump a “bad teacher” wrap on you! In your own mind and heart accept your competence even without perfection!
December 16, 2009 at 8:37 am
Just want to say that it’s good to know that I’m not in this alone, even though I’m a teacher from China. It is also comforting to know that many of thoughts and feelings that I’ve having are common among us, that I’m not some alien thinking up there self-tormenting thoughts myself alone. i’m currently getting professional help, which is my last resort, but i guess reaching out to you guys may be another avenue.
January 19, 2010 at 12:37 am
Thanks so much for writing this. I was diagnosed by 3 professionals my first year teaching in Oakland with ‘severe-moderate depression’ and advised to either quit or taken a cocktail of anti-depressents to cope with the stress. I was not depressed before the job, thrilled in fact to be teaching in a high need community. However by November I working 17hr days including weekends and by February I was coming home from work and sitting perfectly still for hours. I did not know how to teach 78 16yr olds how to read (average reading level 4th-7th grade), write essays when they struggled with sentences, raise test scores, create a love for learning and literacy and move them to grade level college ready students in 10 months (w/10 weeks taken up with test prep/test taking/test analysis). I felt like a failure everyday despite raising test scores a tad..a 20% increase was still an F. I loved my students but struggled to believe in the power of the importance of what I supposed to do. The economy was/is imploding there will be little to no job opportunities for my students and I am babbling on about the tone of some farm poetry. I took the yr off to sub, realized I didn’t suck as a teacher, re-thought my teaching philosophy so it something I feel less conflicted about and am looking forward to returning the classroom. I would have loved to have known about this site last year.
January 30, 2010 at 1:17 am
really this content made me relax… thanks….
February 3, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Hi all,
I have struggled with anxiety and depression for over 15 years. For 10 years, I worked in publishing and public relations and then made a career change to teaching. It feels like teaching augments the problem, although I have enjoyed some of my years at my school. I have been teaching for almost 7 years now. My goal is to move out of the classroom in the fall, but stay in the field.
Has anyone else changed into the teaching career and found that their depression felt worse?
February 6, 2010 at 9:41 am
Thank you so much for this article. I have battled depression since college, but it didn’t really get bad until I began teaching at a middle school 2 years ago. Like others have mentioned, teaching is so demanding and when you don’t feel successful at it, it can take all of your selfwill not to fall apart. As much as I love my students, it’s so depressing to realize that many of them couldn’t care less about their education, and with little support from their parents, many of them won’t even graduate from high school, let alone college. I try to take it one day at a time and hope to touch at least one student’s life, but it’s hard when I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
February 21, 2010 at 7:36 pm
Thank you for this article. I am a 2nd year band teacher, and 2 months ago, I started battling a significant battle with depression and anxiety. I am diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia, and possible Major Depressive Disorder. It is difficult, but I am seeking intensive daily treatment, while on the other hand my students do not have a teacher, which is very unnerving for me. I do not see a light at the end of the tunnel. It is nice, however, to see that there are others that may understand what I’m going through.
March 9, 2010 at 2:48 am
Reply to Lisa: I am one of those who switched into teaching career and felt that my depression got even worse.
Each day seems like struggle to me…
So I am not alone, although I personnally feel that I am so much worse than you in terms of my competency level…
March 24, 2010 at 3:39 pm
Mine comes and goes. In the past year, I’ve lost a brother and grandfather to suicide, a father to lung cancer (56 years old) and got married 3 mos. ago. All this on a 28 yr. old 2nd year teacher. I stuggle often, although I put on my best face. It’s a real chore to get out of bed sometimes, but I manage to do it.
April 26, 2010 at 9:08 pm
I’ve started a new job after being in a really comfortable place for years. I won’t say the new job has me depressed, as I always did feel depressed – but it’s worse.
I think about ways of suicide and have noticed the feeling becoming too great sometimes and have backed away from high spots, like at a mall or over a set of train tracks. I think it’s the finality of it that keeps me from doing it. I have a great wife and an amazing daughter, both of whom I love, but I can’t help think they’d have better lives with me out of the way. There’d be so much less garbage they’d have to deal with if I wasn’t around.
At work, it absolutely affects my students. I crash at home by 8 PM, leaving a bunch of work unfinished. I let their negativity and entitlement, the “you’re wasting my time” attitude, get the better of me some days. And yet, all I hear is how great I am. My supervisor just gave me glowing reviews – foolishly on his part. I know I’ve been horrible, but this is the only job I’ve ever trained to do, know how to do and can do. Quitting is not an option because of the family/mortgage commitments. That’s why sometimes I think being gone would help them out, at least the insurance would pay for the house.
And seeing someone isn’t an option. There’s no way to suddenly bring up, “Hey, I need to see a doctor or else I’ll probably be dead soon.” At least not in a way that doesn’t cause more problems.
So, I sit on a fence – passively go through year by year waiting for summer or succumb. Bet the parents would love reading this…
April 26, 2010 at 9:34 pm
JR, I just read your post and I have to say I have shared your way of thinking for about two years. I changed schools due to a surplus situation at my home school. I think for several years teaching was consuming my life and I was slowly drowning. I would look at the Employee Assistance adds in the staff room and wished I could find time to talk to someone about my feeling of being overwhelmed. I couldn’t find the time and didn’t think the service was for people like me. So, I started the year at my new school and quickly unwound. By Nov I ‘burned out’. I was crushed, embarrassed, ashamed and felt like a complete loser. I have been off for two years and have only in the last few months stopped beating myself up. And finally I realize that I got excellent evaluations throughout my career because I was a great teacher. I had no real complaints about the kids, staff, parents. So, what happened? Your situation sounds soooo… similar. You do need to see your doctor. You are a great teacher! You are likely heading to burnout if you don’t ask for help with your depression. Funny thing is that you think you are the only one to deal with this. I could not believe how many people in all walks of life share our experiences with this whole balance bit. Before I was off work I had not heard of a single person suffering to this degree. Next thing everyone has a story about someone they know. You need a plan, you need to know that there are options and you need to think of how you would view ‘your situation’ if a friend confided in you in a similar situation. Would you think they were anything other than suffering from an illness that needed to be addressed and treated. I went through feelings of ‘exiting’ to escape the mental pain. I too thought my family would be better off and have an easier time if they didn’t have to have my stresses complicating their lives. I was wrong and so are you. The truth is that you will suffer with these feelings for a period of time but if you take the steps to deal with your condition it too will pass. Will it be overnight. I am afraid not! Will it be easy? Nope, most challenging time of your life! Will you make it? Yep, you will. Find someone you can trust and spill your guts. Do it for you and those you love. There is not easy way out. But, you will find yourself again. Guaranteed!!!!!!!
June 4, 2010 at 10:42 pm
I burned out after 9 years. I was so depressed for three years. I “graduated” from therapy last year and have changed my lifestyle. I am still teaching and dislike it, but I finally feel like my decision to make an exit plan is solid and healthy. To teachers who are depressed, drop me a line anytime @ my blog: www. teacheremilyk.wordpress.com